Duty vs Heart

This weekend we went to a "palace" about an 1 1/2 hour away. The name is slipping from mind. It was beautiful and exactly what the doctor ordered. If you can imagine what the colonial India would be like you could probably get a close idea of what this place is like. They had beautiful gardens, a pool, TV, a veranda with very comfortable sitting where they served us tea as we read and talked. It was a nice way to get away and collect some thoughts and emotions. Sometimes a few moments away are just what the doctor orders so that we can better engage with the life we are surrounded with. The three of us went with our loft mates Gina and Nichola (which are mother and daughter pair from Vermont). I thoroughly enjoyed soaking in the pool and conversations on the veranda...we talked about what things we would like to improve for this area and what things are just a part of the culture and don't need to be changed...we talked about how Americans and most people are first about their own comfort before we care to give to others....we talked about how businesses and government could help this area...we talked about decorating...we talked about our reactions...we talked about what food we will eat when we get home first:

---McDonald's French Fries
---Olive garden salad
---Hamburgers (hot dogs for everyone else)
---Dairy Queen Mint Oreo Blizzard
---Taco Bell
---Panera Bread
---DR. PEPPER (that is a big one for everyone...I want my Dr. Pepper)

It was a wonderful experience and I realized that it is part of India. I was able to see that India is more than noise and trash and poverty...it is like someone coming to America and only seeing the Inner City...there is more to America than that. Of course that still does not give me a well rounded view but it is more than just one avenue.

As we were driving we went through the tea and rice fields...oh the smell was beautiful...the tea has such a rich smell...and it was fun to look out over the green rice fields and see the beautiful women dressed in red or bright colors...it was picturesque.

Over the weekend I realized that part of me came to India out of a sense of duty...duty to myself and to mankind. A duty to mankind to have an open mind...to understand that people are different and come from different backgrounds and we should respect that...to those less fortunate than me, not to horde my money and privilage without caring for others. A duty to myself b/c I view myself as someone who appreciates culture so I would want to engage in culture...b/c I needed to go do something since I hadn't truly traveled for 2 1/2 years. But duty doesn't hold up under the pressures of hardship...duty is more a form of fear rather than love. I needed a vision or hope of something more otherwise I can not endure the hardships...a vision or love of the people...to see them advance or develop more...to love them...to have a joy/hope for the results otherwise it is empty and way too hard to continue. I want to respond to this culture out of love, care, and compassion not a fear that I will have a closed mind, being accused of a person who did not care for the poor. The thing is that I am helpless to create a true love and care, only God can create that in my heart...the fun thing is that I am slowly enjoying this process and I can feel the love start to stir in my heart as I despirately cry out for God's presense. For instance, I had a blast with the kids today. We played with bubbles and ballons...they are still very dirty but I don't care and I can just enjoy their smiles (at least better than before).

I don't think I would trade this experience difficulties and all.

Four more nights in Dharamsala, four more days in Dharamsala, 11 hour bus ride, 1 day in Delhi, 13 hour flight to Toronto, 12 hour in airport, 1 1/2 hour flight, and I can eat all that food that we were talking about earlier...