Myself

So, for the past few days I have been by myself at the Day Care...today, even the teacher did not show up. The other girl with me has gotten so sick that they took her to the hospital. It really is hard when they do not understand you...there is one girl who hits constantly and does not get the disiple to stop....and a litttle boy pooped on the floor almost on top of me...

Today was again hard...I went to use the phone but I could not find a working one for 45 minutes and then when I did after 15 minutes the electricity went out and I didn't get to finish the conversation...then I twisted my ankle, got a difficult email...I just feel at the end of myself....I truly wish that I could just sit back and enjoy people. They are always smiling and the children on the road always say "hello...how are you?" even though they have no idea what they are saying or least don't understand the response.....I have been to other cultures before (as I have said) and I can not figure out what is so hard here...I really feel like I have been hit by a bull dozer. I wish I had better more fun stories...stories about how God is working, stories about seeing things develop, challenging stories, funny stories...but I am just telling you as I feel...I may not be proud of my inability to handle things but it is the truth and I can not force myself to be something I am not. Today I wondered since God wants me to respond a certain way why won't He show up like He says he will...won't give me more than I can handle...I know that He is here and is carring me...my head tells me that but my emotions are quite exhausted. I want to delight in Him and find Him every move I make but it is hard...I just trust that He is there and that He will bring the compassion and love. Ahh, emotions...I have never done well with them.

Tonight we are in Mcloud to eat at Nick's...an italian restaurant....I just needed some food that was not lentils...something different.