Out the Window

Before I came to India, if you asked why I wanted to come I would have given you two reasons. First was to experience the culture in a more intimate manner b/c CCS allows you to actually engage more with the villiages than as a tourist. Second was because I am intrigiued by the Religion that is able to still their minds. As the verse says, "be still and know that I am God" ...I have been growing in that area but the hardest thing to still is the activity of my mind. So, although I do not agree with the religion it self I am intriguied by the practice they have perfected to still themselves. I wanted to learn something from them....

I can know tell you that both of those expectations or desires are just not a reality. I have been to Africa and Turkey where I got to engage very closely with the people as a non-tourist. Heck, in Turkey I lived with them for a week. My experiences here just don't give me the same engagement or at least don't show me a whole lot different. So that factor just isn't worth it...and getting to experience or learn from the religion is not the point of CCS nor do their seem to be time to do so...and honestly, I have come to not really care as much. So, I quess I am going to learn something different...as always.

I have realized that in Indianapolis I can not drive for five minutes without passing a church, christian book store, or cheesy billboard sign with God talking to you... But I have been here two weeks and the only christian thing I have seen is when we went to Carmel, India to specifically visit a christian community. I do not remember passing a church anywhere or indication of Jesus at all. I heard christians talked of in a lecture about the Indian culture when the professor mentioned that a lot of the untouchable caste was being converted to christianity. But nothing is evident in the world around me. Out side of my room is a shrine to some elephant god, every morning and evening I hear the bells ring and incense burn as they pray to that god. There are buddhist temples on the hill across from us. Although I struggle with my Christianity at times and get down right mad at God, I can not imagine a life without Him. Life seems void and empty. Everything here seems to be a task...the sad thing is that I think we have made much of christian life a task rather than a relationship. Did I go to church this week? Did I read my devotions? Did I serve someone else? Are we that much different? I personally want to sit with my friend, my lover, my God...to know that He loves me despite how many times I screw up or how long it takes me to figure something out...that I don't have to be anyone else other than who I was created to be..to serve out of love not obligation or a task mode. But I also have realized here how much it effects me to be void of a community of people who support me..."the church"...it is hard to not have likemindedness with people. I miss the intimate relationships of those who spur me on towards God and His love...I realize this as I have called home a few times and the sweet encouragement I have gotten over email.

Well, I am done rambling with my thoughts and they may change tomorrow but I have to get back...we are going to go visit a temple and have a water fight.